Wow, I am really bad at blogging. It has been a long time! But I am in college and finals happen and right after that Christmas happens, it's a busy time. I had a really great Christmas and always do. I have always LOVED Christmas and so has my mom. She is always very excessive at getting presents and spends lots of money for my brother and I. This year I got a microwave... ya know for when I actually move out. Yea are they trying to tell me something? But I got a lot of neat clothes and some kitchen supplies cause I like trying to cook new yummy things. But I can't help but feeling like I am missing something. My boyfriend has been out of town since Wednesday to go see his family. I have missed him so much this Christmas, it just feels like I should be with him, like he is my family now. It's a really wierd feeling to me, while I have missed past boyfriends when they were gone, I didn't feel like this. I just felt like I missed them but it was whatever because they would be back soon. But when P leaves I feel like my world is ending. I almost cried seeing him walk out the door. Last year he left for 10 days to go to Europe in the spring, I BAWLED when he left. I can't help but think about this feeling and think... Maybe he is the ONE? But who is to know what will happen. OK maybe I have been having fantacies about a ring on my left fingure, but I don't really want that at this point.
Anyway.. My Christmas was great except, I didn't get to talk to my boyfriend. It made me soo sad because he knows how much I LOVE Christmas and he couldn't take a minute out to say hi. We had texted a few times and I told him I wanted to talk to him, he said he could call soon. He finally called me at 3something AM. But he was wispering so I know the party had been over and everyone had been asleep, along with me. Yey Christmas voicemail of him wishpering hey goodnight guess you are asleep Merry Christmas. I was really excited to tell him what I got and about all the foods and drinks I am going to make him with the supplies I got but nope I didn't get a Christmas hello or anything. Ugh. I have a feeling today isnt going to be such a great day. I havn't been able to sleep well at home so I am pretty exhausted so my feelings may be a little sensitive today, about 4 nights of not sleeping well.. and O yea and I am Pmsing this week... fantastic! I want to clean my room at home because well all these years of excessive Christmases causes a bunch of crap in my room. And if I am going to be moving out soon then I can't have all of that stuff.
by the way the doctor pretty much just shrugged her shoulders at my dizziness and said its probably something to do with my ears and to come back in 4 weeks if I still have it... only 2 more weeks to go.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wellness
I am one of those people, when winter rolls around I am sick, a lot. But I have never had anything like I have now. For the last few weeks I have been getting dizzy, I was always just hoping that it would go away but it hasn't. I am also very tired more recently. I finally called and got a doctors appointment for tomorrow morning. I am pretty nervous about what it could be. I am one of those people that keep everything to themselves, no one knows I have been feeling this way except my boyfriend. Which is probably a really bad idea but I just don't like to/know how to talk about those things. I know I definitely probably should have said something to my roommate and my parents. But what would I say? While My roommmate asks how my day went just be like, O well I feel like shit and get dizzy all the time how about you. I don't like the confrontation like that, I don't want that attention, I don't want her to be worried and talk about me to other people and I don't want to answer questions. If I don't talk about it I don't worry about it. But I did tell P after like 2 weeks of being dizzy, and he didn't really react and he goes to the doctor for everything. That also led me to my not calling the doctor as early as I should have because he didn't really seem like it was a big deal and he overreacts to sicknesses. He still doesn't seem to get that I feel like crap. I barely get to see him but when I do he asks if I am ok. I just say yes cause I am, but I look not ok because it is hard to look ok when the world is moving. It's rather frustrating. I have nooone to talk to about it because I have not really learned how to trust people with talking about things. But he is the one person that I do want to talk to about things and he seems so not worried or even thinking about that that it kind of makes me feel... I don't know... unimportant I guess. Yesterday I voiced my concern a bit. I mentioned that it may be mono, and that I hope it is. He said he hopes it is not, cause yea mono sucks. but then I would know what it was plus I have already had it for over a month if it is. I favor mono over all of the other things that it could be.. a heart condition, a thyroid condition... and lots of things I don't know about.. those are life long things not sleep it off for a few months things. He was really into it not being mono for some reason, I think he is underplaying how I feel. it is not normal for this to happen, there is something wrong and I am just hoping it is an easy fix.
O well what happens happens I guess. Wish me luck! My appointment is at 9:30 in the morning, ugh.
O well what happens happens I guess. Wish me luck! My appointment is at 9:30 in the morning, ugh.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Winter and stuff.
It is really cold out, it was snowing yesterday. EW. I only hate snow if I have to drive in it, because my car is horrible at driving in the snow so now instead of loving snow I get really anxious about it. I have ended up in a ditch multiple times during the winter. I don't generally curse in normal life, but that is when you would find me cursing as I slowly (usually) uncontrollably slide my way to the side of the road. Luckily I have not hit any other cars when this has happened, I would be so upset if I did. The only reason that I am awake at all during the winter and don't just hibernate, is I LOVE Christmas, love love love buying people presents, and everyone being happy. love it
MORE REASONS WINTER SUCKS
But as I have found there is more than that reason that I hate winter, it makes me feel blah, it is so easy to just lay in bed all day and do nothing, that is pretty much what I have been doing all week. Also my hands get all dry and look like a 70 year olds( I was my hands a lot at work).
This week I have just had no motivation or energy. And now that I look back on the week, it has been a pretty horrible week. It didn't feel like it at the time though so I don't really mind. Yesterday I had to work for 7 hours, which isn't bad (I worked 9 Friday) But it is so busy during the holiday season It is very hard to keep up. And yesterday was one of those days, on top of it being busy a kid threw up, twice, all over the place. eeewww. I was so lucky though that the mother was actually nice and offered to clean it up. I was very happy about that, she could have easily paid and just left but she cleaned most of it up. yey! And I really need to get my flu shot :-/
Exhaustion
So at the end of the work day I started to get a headache, which turned into a 5 hour headache, it was horrible. So that night turned into one of those nights I was so exhausted that I could have easily cried at ANYTHING. Then my mom texts me and is like hey we got our Christmas tree yesterday! I was soo sad! We go to a tree farm every year to try and find a Christmas tree, I always loved doing it with her. But she went without me this year. That is when my bad mood started. Of course the headache and walking around like a chicken with its head cut off all day was a big part of that.
PARTY,
I got home after work and knew my roommate and boyfriend were wanting to go to a party later, so I tried really hard to get rid of the headache. I did end up getting rid of it but had one of those headache hangovers, like the whole I felt like crying, and could have fallen asleep easily. But I went anyway. The party was pretty lame. Mainly cause I felt like poo. My boyfriend and I went with this newer couple so they are together and like hugging each other and stuff all the time. And my boyfriend was not being very cuddly so it really made me miss when we were a new couple, and made me wonder why he wasn't all over me all night. I don't want to become one of those like old married couples without being old or married, actually even if we are old and married I still want to act like we like each other.
We were at the party and I was kinda trying to make an effort to be cuddly. After all I would have much rather been at home laying in bed cuddling anyway. We were standing on the other side of the kitchen and I was eyeing him. we were like that for awhile, which is fine he doesn't need to be by my side all the time. But as soon as his friend comes into the kitchen and stands by me my boyfriend makes his way over and stands by him. I turned to him and whispered you are a butt head. What why? he says. I was like I walked into the room and stood here for a long time then they come in the room and you come over here just to be with them. :-(
THE BOYFRIEND
OK OK I know, that's pathetic right, who cares. But I didn't feel good and I wanted to be cuddly. I also remember what it was like when we first started going out, especially cause the cute new couple was there. We used to be the cute couple that couldn't get enough of each other. I just missed that. You walk into a room and it's like the person is so happy you are there and pays attention to you, you feel special. Now with him it's like O hey yea you are there. Just like every other person is there. He would rather go stand over there. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my relationship with, I'll just call him P. He is so nice to me and caring. I think I might be a little bitter. We haven't done the deed, in like a week or so. And I start to get cranky. But I haven't really been feeling it anyway. I feel like we are a little disconnected or something. We aren't us. And I am not sure why I feel like that. I think I just miss him, we haven't gotten to hang out so much lately. After the party we did get to cuddle, and I loved it so much we actually ended up staying up till about 4am just cuddling. I would have liked it if we had talked a little more. But I am fine with what happened :-) I think he got that I was feeling sad and exhausted, when we started cuddling he whispered "you are wonderful" in my ear :-D. I was happy and just layed in his arms watching some comedian be a bitch for awhile. Then when I couldn't stay awake anymore I had to go back to my house, he told me to text me when I got home, So I did. then I texted him ":-) bed". and he called me. How cute right?! he called to say goodnight again and tell me that my last text made him laugh, or laugh out loud as he put it. I have such a cute boyfriend.
Well, I guess I better go lotion my hands before I turn into a prune. O yea, I have lots of homework too. So here are my questions,
If you are in a relationship how do you keep the spark going? Do you ever feel like you just need more from the person? Has your relationship changed for the better or the worse?
What is your least favorite season? And your favorite? Any special tricks for getting rid of headaches?
MORE REASONS WINTER SUCKS
But as I have found there is more than that reason that I hate winter, it makes me feel blah, it is so easy to just lay in bed all day and do nothing, that is pretty much what I have been doing all week. Also my hands get all dry and look like a 70 year olds( I was my hands a lot at work).
This week I have just had no motivation or energy. And now that I look back on the week, it has been a pretty horrible week. It didn't feel like it at the time though so I don't really mind. Yesterday I had to work for 7 hours, which isn't bad (I worked 9 Friday) But it is so busy during the holiday season It is very hard to keep up. And yesterday was one of those days, on top of it being busy a kid threw up, twice, all over the place. eeewww. I was so lucky though that the mother was actually nice and offered to clean it up. I was very happy about that, she could have easily paid and just left but she cleaned most of it up. yey! And I really need to get my flu shot :-/
Exhaustion
So at the end of the work day I started to get a headache, which turned into a 5 hour headache, it was horrible. So that night turned into one of those nights I was so exhausted that I could have easily cried at ANYTHING. Then my mom texts me and is like hey we got our Christmas tree yesterday! I was soo sad! We go to a tree farm every year to try and find a Christmas tree, I always loved doing it with her. But she went without me this year. That is when my bad mood started. Of course the headache and walking around like a chicken with its head cut off all day was a big part of that.
PARTY,
I got home after work and knew my roommate and boyfriend were wanting to go to a party later, so I tried really hard to get rid of the headache. I did end up getting rid of it but had one of those headache hangovers, like the whole I felt like crying, and could have fallen asleep easily. But I went anyway. The party was pretty lame. Mainly cause I felt like poo. My boyfriend and I went with this newer couple so they are together and like hugging each other and stuff all the time. And my boyfriend was not being very cuddly so it really made me miss when we were a new couple, and made me wonder why he wasn't all over me all night. I don't want to become one of those like old married couples without being old or married, actually even if we are old and married I still want to act like we like each other.
We were at the party and I was kinda trying to make an effort to be cuddly. After all I would have much rather been at home laying in bed cuddling anyway. We were standing on the other side of the kitchen and I was eyeing him. we were like that for awhile, which is fine he doesn't need to be by my side all the time. But as soon as his friend comes into the kitchen and stands by me my boyfriend makes his way over and stands by him. I turned to him and whispered you are a butt head. What why? he says. I was like I walked into the room and stood here for a long time then they come in the room and you come over here just to be with them. :-(
THE BOYFRIEND
OK OK I know, that's pathetic right, who cares. But I didn't feel good and I wanted to be cuddly. I also remember what it was like when we first started going out, especially cause the cute new couple was there. We used to be the cute couple that couldn't get enough of each other. I just missed that. You walk into a room and it's like the person is so happy you are there and pays attention to you, you feel special. Now with him it's like O hey yea you are there. Just like every other person is there. He would rather go stand over there. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my relationship with, I'll just call him P. He is so nice to me and caring. I think I might be a little bitter. We haven't done the deed, in like a week or so. And I start to get cranky. But I haven't really been feeling it anyway. I feel like we are a little disconnected or something. We aren't us. And I am not sure why I feel like that. I think I just miss him, we haven't gotten to hang out so much lately. After the party we did get to cuddle, and I loved it so much we actually ended up staying up till about 4am just cuddling. I would have liked it if we had talked a little more. But I am fine with what happened :-) I think he got that I was feeling sad and exhausted, when we started cuddling he whispered "you are wonderful" in my ear :-D. I was happy and just layed in his arms watching some comedian be a bitch for awhile. Then when I couldn't stay awake anymore I had to go back to my house, he told me to text me when I got home, So I did. then I texted him ":-) bed". and he called me. How cute right?! he called to say goodnight again and tell me that my last text made him laugh, or laugh out loud as he put it. I have such a cute boyfriend.
Well, I guess I better go lotion my hands before I turn into a prune. O yea, I have lots of homework too. So here are my questions,
If you are in a relationship how do you keep the spark going? Do you ever feel like you just need more from the person? Has your relationship changed for the better or the worse?
What is your least favorite season? And your favorite? Any special tricks for getting rid of headaches?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
here's the story
The last few days have been rather event less and normal. I just went to work, bed, went to work, class, 16 and pregnant, homework.. blah. Yea I am one of those people who watch 16 and pregnant and teen mom. In fact I love bad TV, it's all I watch, wedding shows, cake decorating, 16 and pregnant. Love it.
Although there is a new kind of wedding show, where the bride competes to win plastic surgery.. whoa? really? It is a horrible show. I understand being insecure but is plastic surgery the answer? These guys let their fiances go on this show! How horrible. If I was a man I would NEVER let my future wife go on the show. I would feel bad that she felt so badly about herself that she wanted that. I don't know, I wouldn't want my boyfriend to change anything about his body. I love him too much how he is. As I am watching part of that wedding show I was just soo shocked. We have such a skewed view of what is attractive in America. These women, most of them skinny, all of them pretty, could not wait to have plastic surgery because let's face it, it is hard to be a woman and not hate your own body. I don't support what this show is standing for, I watch as women who have bodies comparable to mine get marked all over their body by the surgeon saying what he would like to change about them. It makes a person feel less than beautiful that's for sure.
Well I was planning to talk about my relationship today because I didn't think I had much else to talk about but I guess I was wrong! I wont bore you with making this post super long and going into my love life I'll save that for later.
What do you guys think about plastic surgery? Do you think that a little goes a long way or do you think it is ok to just go all out and get everything altered. Don't you think natural is more beautiful or is fake just as good?
Although there is a new kind of wedding show, where the bride competes to win plastic surgery.. whoa? really? It is a horrible show. I understand being insecure but is plastic surgery the answer? These guys let their fiances go on this show! How horrible. If I was a man I would NEVER let my future wife go on the show. I would feel bad that she felt so badly about herself that she wanted that. I don't know, I wouldn't want my boyfriend to change anything about his body. I love him too much how he is. As I am watching part of that wedding show I was just soo shocked. We have such a skewed view of what is attractive in America. These women, most of them skinny, all of them pretty, could not wait to have plastic surgery because let's face it, it is hard to be a woman and not hate your own body. I don't support what this show is standing for, I watch as women who have bodies comparable to mine get marked all over their body by the surgeon saying what he would like to change about them. It makes a person feel less than beautiful that's for sure.
Well I was planning to talk about my relationship today because I didn't think I had much else to talk about but I guess I was wrong! I wont bore you with making this post super long and going into my love life I'll save that for later.
What do you guys think about plastic surgery? Do you think that a little goes a long way or do you think it is ok to just go all out and get everything altered. Don't you think natural is more beautiful or is fake just as good?
Sunday, November 28, 2010
New
Alright, I am new to blogging. Don't ask me why I started blogging, cause I am not exactly sure. I guess cause I recently read a blog about sex, and a relationship and I was ADDICTED! but the blog had a limited time line and now it's over. So why can't I have my own interesting blog? Of course I am no professional writer so mine probably won't be so addictive if I even get anyone to read it. But I think it will be good for me to get some of the things that I think about out there. I am planning on having this blog about a little bit of everything. My love life, school life, thoughts and feelings. Maybe someone will like the way I think. Who knows.
I will start out by saying a bit of general information about myself. I am a 21 year old female, I live on campus with two other women. One of them is my best friend, and the other hardly ever talks to us. I have a boyfriend that I have been going out with for over 2 and a half years. I almost accidentally put one and a half years there, the time has gone by so fast!
Lets see. I love my life most of the time, I am not going to say that there are not days that I hate my life, but I usually realize my life isn't bad and I am just exaggerating so I snap out of it. Everyone needs a pity party every once in awhile no matter how awesome there life really is right?? I generally blame this on hormones. they suck.
Today is kind of one of those days, not that I really feel horrible but I am getting sick so I just feel like doing absolutly nothing, and that alone is kind of depressing, but I also kind of enjoy doing nothing. My throat is all unconfortable and I just feel blaah.
So if anyone actually ever reads this post I'll leave a question to get you guys included.
Do you ever feel down for no reason? What are some things that help you snap out of it?
Is there something you do to help you get rid of sickness blues, or even just winter blues?
I will start out by saying a bit of general information about myself. I am a 21 year old female, I live on campus with two other women. One of them is my best friend, and the other hardly ever talks to us. I have a boyfriend that I have been going out with for over 2 and a half years. I almost accidentally put one and a half years there, the time has gone by so fast!
Lets see. I love my life most of the time, I am not going to say that there are not days that I hate my life, but I usually realize my life isn't bad and I am just exaggerating so I snap out of it. Everyone needs a pity party every once in awhile no matter how awesome there life really is right?? I generally blame this on hormones. they suck.
Today is kind of one of those days, not that I really feel horrible but I am getting sick so I just feel like doing absolutly nothing, and that alone is kind of depressing, but I also kind of enjoy doing nothing. My throat is all unconfortable and I just feel blaah.
So if anyone actually ever reads this post I'll leave a question to get you guys included.
Do you ever feel down for no reason? What are some things that help you snap out of it?
Is there something you do to help you get rid of sickness blues, or even just winter blues?
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